Dating an Introvert 101

If you’re someone who always has a lot of energy and feels the need to chat with everyone around you, then chances are you’re an outgoing extrovert. For someone like you, you may not be so quick to take notice of the temperament of the people around you, especially the soft-spoken introvert who prefers to hang out with a small group of people rather than in large crowds like you do.

One thing a lot of people mistake about introverts is that they are just really shy, but the truth is it is more complex than that; however, don’t feel like you, as an extrovert, cannot date an introvert. In fact, you can quite simply — as long as you are aware of their characteristics as an introvert.

1. Forget the social stereotypes that surround introverts.

A lot of people believe that being an introvert is a negative quality to have. They feel that an introvert is quiet and hard to talk to. This isn’t true, as many introverts are quite easy to talk to, especially if they are in the right setting. In fact, people tend to seek out introverts when they want someone to talk to because they are great listeners. They key here is to forget what you may think you know about introversion and keep an open mind. Many times, you’ll be surprised by an introvert because they can do extroverted things, the only difference is they just need time to recharge.

2. Find the balance between your desire to socialize and their need for peace.

One of the biggest problems between an introvert/extrovert couple can have is finding that balance between socializing and staying in. This is especially true for introverts who have a mentally taxing job and they just want to spend their time away from work relaxing and recharging. Extroverts need to realize that their partner’s desire to stay in and recharge isn’t being anti-social, but instead, they are just regaining their sanity in an essence.

Of course, don’t mistake the introverts need for solitude that they don’t need intimacy or human interaction. Both types of people need it — crave it, but they go about it differently.

3. Do activities that value the traits and capabilities of your introvert.

There are a few activities that really speaks to an introvert, so should there be a situation where they can offer their understanding ear, then they are going to be happy. For example, instead of hosting a large dinner party once a month, you could opt for smaller get-togethers so that they won’t feel quite as on the spot.

You can also create an intimate date by reading to one another in a quiet setting. This is perfect for couples who enjoy quiet evenings and being together.

4. Experiment with conflict resolution.

When introverts are faced with a partner who tends to scream or raise their voice when they are trying to settle a conflict, they will do whatever they can to minimize aggression. This cycle repeats itself
because no one wants to feel like they are being told what to do, but the extrovert doesn’t want to feel like they aren’t being respected because the introvert isn’t giving the same amount of “passion” in regards to the conflict. One way around this is by having the extrovert work to resolve the conflict in a calm and mild manner and the introvert try to become a bit more comfortable with discord.

5. Read up on being an introvert.

In order for extroverts to truly understand their introverted partner, perhaps they would do well by reading up on introverts and their personality traits. One such book is the non-fiction book Quiet by
Susan Cain. This book gives readers an in-depth look at the introvert’s mind and how both personalities can coexist harmoniously.

Introverts aren’t some mysterious creature that will never be understood. With a little bit of patience and understanding, you’ll find that dating an introvert can be a rewarding pairing. Who else would you date to have a great ear that is ready to listen to any problem that you, the extrovert, may have?

Exactly, no one. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the idea.