Holding Out on Sex: The Arguments For and Against

woman lying in lingerie

Great chemistry is hard to come by, so when you meet a guy you like, it’s only natural that you want to get as close to him as possible. But, does this mean that you have to sleep with him right away? Relationship experts say that doing the deed too soon could backfire, and more and more women are holding out on sex in the hope that it will lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. On the other hand, some people argue that there’s no concrete evidence to support the view that sleeping with a guy too soon will make him lose interest, and that it can actually strengthen the bond. Let’s take a look at both sides of the argument…

Why being easily accessible is not the answer

Some people argue that sleeping with a guy quickly after getting together will ruin the relationship. This is because once you have sex with him, you lose the upper hand in the dating power stakes. You’ll feel a sense of intense closeness between you, but often this is intimacy isn’t real. Whilst you will crave commitment once you have slept together, he may not be there yet, which can make you feel helpless. In the time before you had sex, he was under your spell and he allowed you to set the pace, but now he is in control of how things develop and how serious the relationship gets.

He wants you to say no

Many men are actively looking to get laid, but what many girls don’t realise is that they’re also looking to make a connection. Even though he may indicate that he wants to get you into bed, he’d probably prefer you to turn him down than give in. Yes, this is a contradiction, but the truth is he wants to work to have sex with you, rather than it be handed to him on a plate. He likes a good challenge. If he really likes you, he will subconsciously hope that you’ll say no, as it makes you much more desirable to him. Sleeping with him too soon could make him lose interest as the mystery is gone and he no longer has the thrill of the chase to keep him enthralled. If he no longer has this promise of sex dangling in front of him, and there’s not yet a strong bond built between you, he may just disappear to find another girl who’s more willing to give him what he wants.

The sex will be better

The longer you delay having sex with your man, the more fulfilling the act will be when it does happen. As well as keeping him interested, you’ll also build up anticipation of what’s to come. First time sex with anyone isn’t always great, but because you’ve both been looking forward to it for so long, it’ll be much more intense. Plus, because you’ve waited until you’ve got to know each other well before getting intimate, you’ll be much more relaxed and confident with each other, allowing you to let go of inhibitions and try things that you probably wouldn’t if you’d slept with each other right away.

You’ll trust your feelings

In first weeks after meeting your man, your judgement is clouded, and this can lead to you overlooking his flaws or inflating his good traits. But, by holding out on sex, you’ll give yourself chance to get to get to know him, which means you can trust that you’re sleeping with him for the right reasons. When you do eventually have sex, it’ll be with your eyes wide open. You’ll do so because you have feelings for him, rather than due to some intense attraction, which will make it much more likely that you’ll build a strong and lasting relationship with him, rather than something that will fizzle out as quickly as it started.

You’ll know he’s truly into you

A man who doesn’t have the patience to play the waiting game isn’t interested in you as a person, but just wants to have sex. If he can’t get it easily and soon, he’ll be gone soon enough, destroying your chances of a relationship with him. Whilst this might sting initially, you’ll have had a lucky escape. A man who’s interested in you, and wants to really get to know you, won’t mind waiting, and more specifically, he won’t mind making the effort. Effort doesn’t mean not trying to have sex with you. It means taking you out, making you feel special and showing respect. The guy who is willing to put in the time to make your budding relationship flourish is worth holding on to!

Why sleeping with him quickly is OK

Whilst there are arguments to suggest that making yourself too accessible is a bad thing, many people believe that it’s perfectly OK. They argue that rather than being caught up in society’s expectation of us, we should follow our own personal desires, and that having sex soon after meeting someone shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship.

He won’t think less of you

Most women believe that men will think less of them if they have sex on the first date, However, the truth is that the majority of guys absolutely don’t care about this, and won’t judge a woman if she makes herself accessible right away. So, if you want to sleep with him, don’t worry that he will lose respect for you, or lose interest right after. Your decision to have sex is your own. The truth is, if a guy is interested in you as a person, he will still want to see you and pursue you — especially after he’s seen you naked.

You’ll keep him coming back for more

Whilst some people argue that having sex on the first date will turn guys away, others disagree. After all, everyone knows that guys love sex, so if you’ve confident and enjoy what you’re doing, why wouldn’t they come back for more? In certain cases, having sex on the first or second date will actually benefit you and boost your chances of getting a second date. Remember, most men are fairly basic when it comes to dating and sex. If they like you, they like, and they’re not going to be put off just because you’ve slept with them early on. No guy has ever said, “she’s great, she’s sexy, she’s intelligent, and she loves watching the game with me. But…we hooked up on the first date.”!

Cuts the sexual tension

If you don’t have sex early on in your relationship, the pressure to have it can build up, creating a huge amount of tension. Each time you go on a date with him, you’ll be constantly thinking “Should I keep waiting? Or should I do it?”. Of course, sleeping with a guy is something you need to think about before hopping into bed, but if you’re too wary about it, it can make you prudish and nervous when you finally get down to it. If you’re not having sex, the sexual tension will build, and you’ll become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not happened yet.

You’ll discover if you’re really compatible

Sexual compatibility is an important element of any relationship, and so by having sex quickly after meeting someone, you’ll get to establish and experience that special connection early on. If it’s enjoyable, it will only increase the attraction you have to each other.
The truth is, many relationships simply can’t last if two people aren’t compatible sexually. This may not seem possible if you get on so well outside of the bedroom are caught up in the throes of new relationship energy. But, if you don’t click between the sheets, then your relationship is unlikely to go the distance. There’s an argument to suggest that it’s better to find out if you’re compatible sooner rather than later.

Summing up

The discussion about whether to hold out on sex or give up the goods right away always creates debate, which is why there are so many convincing arguments on either side. Whilst having sex soon after meeting a guy can mean you lose the upper hand in the power stakes, it can also keep him coming back for more. You’ll probably fall for him the first time you sleep with him, leaving you feeling helpless; but give him time and he’ll end up falling for you too during all those delicious intimate moments you share together. Ultimately, deciding whether to sleep with a guy you’ve not been dating very long is a very personal decision, and only you will know when and if it feels right. Hopefully this article has given you some insight into the pros and cons of making yourself too accessible to your man.