Yes! There is Such a Thing as Late Blooming Lesbians!

lesbian couple

Everyone knows that when you fall in love with someone, that love is blind. Why, you could even fall head over heels in love with someone that you’ve never dreamed that you’d be attracted to. The beauty of love is that it can happen when you least expect it and it’s such a pleasant surprise when it does happen – especially if you’re a late blooming lesbian.

What is a Late Blooming Lesbian?

As the phrase would suggest, a late blooming lesbian simply describes women coming out later in life. Now some people may think this is something new, but it isn’t new at all. The writer, Virginia Woolf (who had been married to her husband for 29 years), had a love affair with Vita Sackville-West in 1922 and it was reported to have last into the early 1930s. Virginia even penned a fantastical biography called Orlando to Vita and it was dubbed by Vita’s son, “The effect of Vita on Virginia is all contained in Orlando, the longest and most charming love letter in literature, in which she explores Vita, weaves her in and out of the centuries, tosses her from one sex to the other, plays with her, dresses her in furs, lace and emeralds, teases her, flirts with her, drops a veil of mist around her.”

A modern day example of this change in sexuality is between actors Holland Taylor (74) and Sarah Paulson (42). These two may have a 32 year age difference, and have received public scrutiny, but they are still going strong – two years after the first appearance of their couple-dom.

It can be difficult for mature lesbians, especially if they’ve been in long-term, heterosexual relationships (especially if there are children involved), because people tend to brush the change of sexuality off as it being repressed lesbianism and it too this long for the woman to feel comfortable enough to come out.

In many instances, research has overlooked and ignored the chances that straight women could change their sexual identity completely.

Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies from Utah University, believes that a woman’s sexual orientation more fluid and more susceptible to change throughout her life than a man’s. Diamond studied a group of 79 women who felt some kind of attraction to other women over a decade. During that decade, two-thirds of the ladies changed their sexual orientation and defined themselves as lesbians who once identified as bisexual or straight, while the other one-third who identified as lesbians turned straight.

Why Do Women Become Lesbians So Late In Life?

older women lesbians

Simply put – sexuality is complicated and there is far more gray area than black and white. What society has to do is stop making assumptions about how others define their sexuality. More to the point, it shouldn’t be anyone’s business how someone identifies!

People like to assume that if a woman who was married or in heterosexual relationship must be bisexual. Too often people will liken the act of sex as a determination of how you align yourself sexually. The truth of the matter is that sexuality is much deeper than who you smash genitals with – attraction, desire, and passion are all important factors to consider.

It is important to understand that coming out later in life is no simple walk through the park. For many women, especially those with a family, it is a struggle. The decision to come out is made much harder when family and friends questions her motives, her past relationships, and downplay the seriousness of the situation.

Think about it. When you meet someone new, they always ask you where’s your boyfriend or husband (and vice versa if you’re a man). People don’t ask, “Where’s your partner?” or “When do we get to meet your significant other?” It’s sad and it can certainly make people uncomfortable being put into that position of having to correct the other person.

A lot of times, folks like to assume that something happens in a woman’s life that “turns” her into a lesbian or that she just decided to “become” a lesbian. Too many people assume that everyone is heterosexual and something “happens” to turn them away from the opposite sex. Some people are so against the idea of their friend or family member coming out as a gay mature woman that they will even say things like, “You just haven’t met the right man,” or some other nonsense like that.

Should You Come Out as a Late Blooming Lesbian?

With all the progressive movements the country (and world!) are making, you would like to think that women who are realizing they are lesbian later in life would be living their best lives. For the reasons we mentioned above, there are countless women who are hesitant to come out and be themselves. They don’t want to face the social stigma of being “confused” or the unwanted relationship advice to find the right man.

However, if you do decide that you are tired of living a life that simply isn’t yours, coming out as a mature lesbian can be extremely liberating. Not only do you get to truly be yourself and be happy, but you also don’t have to conform to societal standards of beauty. As an older woman, you can look at the female form and really see her. You can appreciate her style, the way she carries herself, and even admire her attitude and tenacity. As an older lesbian woman, you can appreciate women in ways that men, and even younger lesbians, cannot.

Of course, the main reason why you should want to consider coming out after 40 is that you can find someone who you love completely and entirely. You can find a woman who understands your struggles, appreciates you, and will cherish you. You can finally let down your hair and just be happy being you!