Sex with a Friend: Can a Friendship Survive?


Sex is without a doubt a very intimate and personal experience that you typically share with another. No matter what your mindset is or what your agenda is, it will always be invasive, with some form of connection being established. This is an important idea to grasp when thinking about whether you want to have sex, or maybe have already had sex with a friend. This is not to say that you cannot regain and maintain whatever platonic relationship you have had in the past. It is not completely impossible to stay good friends even after sharing something so personal and intimate. We look at what it means to have sex with a friend, how to do it right and what are the pros and cons of having sex with a friend.

What it is to be Friends and Have Sex

Typically we separate the ideas of friendship and sexual interaction because we associate sex with others who we are not necessarily friends with, such as partners or people we have casual relations with. What is sometimes ignored is the fact that there are qualities that we find in friends that we may usually look for in a sexual partner. Friendship is characterised by some form of intimacy, albeit a platonic and relaxed form of intimacy. A good friend is someone who you feel comfortable allowing into your personal space and enjoy sharing things with. You care about this person and they care about you, so you both have each other’s best interests at heart.

Furthermore, you probably know and understand each other more than anyone else in the world, therefore lines do not easily become blurred because you both know what you want on a physical and emotional level. Therefore sex and friendship do not have to exist as unitary concepts.

Should I Have Sex With My Friend?

The answer to whether you should have sex with your friend is two-fold. Before anything, you have to weigh up the cost-benefit of sleeping with your friend. Will this totally polarise your friendship? Is there a deeper meaning as to why you are thinking of sleeping with a friend? There are many advantages to sleeping with a friend.

For instance, you get to skip the getting to the know them stage, which can be a drag. You are familiar and you may have even talked about your previous sexual encounters with them. As well as this you trust them; this is paramount to sharing a sexual experience because it means you can be comfortable in their presence and having them in yours.

There are possible consequences that could present themselves as a problem for your friendship. You could potentially build a connection that you cannot ignore. This is especially difficult if it is not reciprocated in the way you want. Things can also get slightly awkward when you meet each other’s partners later down the line.

No matter how casual the hook-up was there is still a physical bond that you may not be able to get rid of for a very long time, which could make sustaining the friendship much harder.

One of the most immense dangers of having sex with a friend is if it was a bad experience. You may have underperformed or they might have and every time you look at them you are constantly reminded of it. Despite the potential positives of being intimate with a friend, there are risks that could manifest into an awkward and strained friendship.

How to Have Sex With a Friend

There is no specific formula for sleeping with a friend. What you do is dependent on the boundaries and limits that both of you agree on. If you want to preserve your friendship then set your boundaries firmly and clarify what you want out of the situation. During your intimate time abstain from engaging in actions that are typical to being in a romantic relationship such as over-using kissing and cuddling. Actions like these make it unclear what you want and can strengthen physical bonds that you should really avoid. Lastly, try not to talk about it too much with your friend. You do not need a constant reminder of the events and it can indicate that it means more to you than just casual and friendly sex. When you do it right, it is very possible to keep hold of your friendship.

Can Sex Ruin Your Friendship?

Put simply sex with a friend can only ruin a friendship if you let it. It can change the dynamics of your friendship significantly because you will see your friend in a different light and vice versa. The friendship can also be ruined if you end up having serious regrets and wished that you had never had sex with your friend in the first place. Moreover, you and your friend can get emotionally confused due to the blurred lines between friendship and sexual intimacy. Nevertheless, your friendship may only truly be ruined if you allow it to consume you and dictate your feelings towards your friend. Despite the potential risks of a ruined friendship, with honesty and transparency, a friendship can be salvaged. Let your friend know how you feel and how much you want to preserve the friendship and work your way towards recovering it together.

It is easy to totally rule out having sex with a friend. It is confusing and could ruin the good friendship you have. How would you go back to the way things were? Yes, there are some rules and boundaries that you must adhere to but having sex with a friend is not completely impossible and riddled with hard consequences. It can be an awesome and explorative experience if you do it right.

To find great lovers and become friends with benefits, sign up to Flirt!