The Principles of Snooping and Secretly Studying Your Partner
Snooping on a partner or love interest goes back to this basic idea of wanting to attain more information and knowledge. This can offer a sense of security and providing leverage, that one would not naturally gain through just getting to know a person only from what they tell you. Here we discuss what it means to snoop, how to do it right and what to do if you suspect your partner is up to no good.
The Psychology Behind Snooping
Snooping is the product of psychological phenomena such as jealousy, lack of trust and anxiety within a relationship. Relationship psychologists and therapists have concluded that trust is paramount to any relationship. Therefore at the slightest indication of unfaithfulness, a lack of confidence in your partner can develop and cause you to want to know what they could be hiding.
Why do People Snoop?
Some snoop to fuel their curiosity; it is a covert way of finding out a little bit more about your partner or love interest. By discovering what a partner may not tell you, you are one step ahead of them because you know more than they think you do. It also provides a form of protection from someone potentially letting you down; especially if you have been hurt or let down before or have low self-esteem. In some cases it is simply because you have the opportunity; your partner was not around and their phone or laptop was unlocked and your eyes managed to wander right where they left it. For some, it puts you at an advantage, by allowing you to control relationships with others. Snooping can be motivated by several factors, which are highly dependent on circumstance.
Snooping in a Relationship
In theory, committed relationships are characterised by transparency and trust. Therefore secretly going behind your partner’s back can have an adverse impact on your relationship, as it indicates that there is a breakdown in trust and honesty. One is less likely to go searching through texts and emails if you have total assurance that your partner is not hiding something. Although relationship experts have argued that snooping can be damaging to a relationship, in exceptional cases it can be done if absolutely necessary and your partner has displayed significantly concerning behaviours.
Snooped and Found Cheating
Finding out a partner has been unfaithful can be a hard pill to swallow. The dilemma here is whether you are still in the wrong and what to do with information, you were not supposed to privy to. In this case, you are both guilty; you looked but found something incriminating. The best thing for you to do is to start by being honest about what you have seen and discuss what your next move as a partnership should be. Remember, that your snooping is not justified by his/her cheating, but they are still in much stronger guilty place than you are because you had reason to snoop and they have proved you right. Try not to overreact at the situation, despite how tempting it may be to explode and let all your emotions run high. Admit to your role in finding out their secret and give them a chance to tell you the truth. Do not, however, let your partner excuse their actions by directing the blame on your snooping.
How to Snoop?
It is about being discrete and using the information you gather wisely, all while not getting caught. You can subtly graze over their screen while they use it, ensuring you are careful they do not notice. A more popular to snoop is to wait till their phone or device is idle and your partner is perhaps in the shower, or out doing something you know will take a considerable amount of time for them to do. Another important element of snooping is how you deal with the information. Do not just develop sweeping and overreaching assumption from little and vague messages. Ensure that you are getting the most accurate picture of what you see. Ask yourself, how different messages relate to one another for instance or does your partner’s behaviour when they are with that person correspond with the conversation they are having with them virtually? Nevertheless, remember to snoop when it is absolutely necessary
Why am I Suspicious of My Boyfriend?
There can be many reasons as to why you are suspicious of your boyfriend. For instance, sneaky behaviour can be indicative of cheating or at least interest elsewhere. If he regularly loses interest in conversations or would rather spend most of his time doing something else or being somewhere else, rather than with you, it is possible that his attention is diverted. Notwithstanding, it could be your own insecurity and lack of trust can drive suspicion. This can thus fuel your desire to suspect your boyfriend or partner of straying away. When you do not have all the answers your thoughts become more imaginative of things that may not even be there.
In theory, snooping should be a no go area, but in practice, it is too complex and unrealistic to say you should never have a look, even if it is a brief one. What is important to note is when one should snoop. Has your partner displayed several signs of unfaithfulness or does it appear that they are keeping things from you? You doing a secret search should be the absolute last resort and you should be somewhat certain of their unfaithfulness. Ultimately you should voice your concerns to your partner to avoid secrecy and further dishonesty, especially if they are not hiding anything. Snooping if done callously can be unhealthy and detrimental to any relationship, so take serious caution if digging for secrets.