The Third Date Rule: Should You Have Sex on the 3rd Date?

We live in a completely sex-crazed world; from pop songs to advertisements, there is a plethora of material that continues to push sex. We have become so obsessed that we have forgotten how to think clearly about one of the most intimate activities you can do with your partner. We understand that it can be unnerving for people not to have a plan or that they feel pressured as sex on the third date seems to have become a given, but we’re here to tell you that’s not the case. Although many people may have sex on the third date, that doesn’t mean you have to or that it is expected of you. We go through what it really means, what could happen afterwards and tips to ensure you’re not pressuring anyone into sex on the third date.

What Happens on the Third Date?

If you haven’t guessed by now, then we will simply spell it out; many singles decide to have sex with one another after the third date as they believe it is the perfect time to become intimate with one another. One should always be wary, however, of how your partner may feel about their situation and when they may be willing to have sex. It is perhaps no surprise that a greater portion of men feel it is appropriate to have sex on the first date or between 2-5. Many women would agree with the 2-5 date aspect too, but find that 6-9 is a good option too, so you need to be careful when approaching your partner about sex on the 3rd date. Furthermore, a cultural, religious and social difference will alter whether your partner believes it is appropriate to have sex at that time.

How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex?

The age-old question of when is a continually perplexing one for those dating and – as everywhere would probably tell you – there is no clear-cut answer. Ultimately, it is an individual preference and will depend on the person you’re dating. Many singles may have been quicker to jump into bed with someone as they saw it going somewhere, but then – if they start dating again – may hold back as they don’t know where their relationship is going. Some of the things you should ask yourself when considering sex on the 3rd date is:

What Kind of Person Are You Dating?

Are they a bit of player? Do they seem to know their way around the dating game and handle it with an aura of calm elegance? These questions shouldn’t definitively disqualify your date, but you need to ask yourself whether that person is going to stick around after you’re intimate with one another. If it seems they’re only in it for one thing, then perhaps it is best to hold off and see where your relationship takes you.

Are You Committed to Them?

Although it may seem surprising, many couples become exclusive in a short period of time, so if you have spread out your dates you may already be in a committed relationship with that person. If that is the case, then there is much less risk of you becoming hurt and feeling used if you’re having sex earlier on as you have already made the commitment to see each other only.

Are You Comfortable with Them?

Do you feel as though you have gotten to a point where a budding friendship is looming? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable around your partner? At this point you may be able to start considering having sex with your partner as you have come to a point where your relationship is developing and is becoming more than just dating.

What Could Happen After Third Date Sex?

We’re not looking to frighten anyone or say that one scenario happens in every instance, but, instead want to prepare our readers for the possible outcomes, turmoil’s or highs of having sex on the third date. Some of the outcomes you could experience include:

Continue Dating and Form a Relationship

For some people, sex is just something to do and doesn’t affect the outcome of their dating experience. This can go well or badly, depending on the situation, but for some people, they can continue dating and go on to form healthy relationships. Having sex on the third date can bring you closer together at an earlier stage in your relationship, therefore making you feel more comfortable and ready to make the commitment to the person you’re dating.

Continue Dating for a Time

Perhaps it doesn’t change much in your relationship and you go on to have a couple more dates and enjoy each other’s company, but ultimately decide that you’re not suited for one another. Just because you don’t go on to form a relationship doesn’t mean your prospects were doomed because you slept with one another on the third date, sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you’re not right for one another and that’s ok if you were respectful and considerate of one another at the time.

In it for One Thing

There are times when you sleep with someone on the third date, then it simply becomes about sex. Instead of spending time together doing interesting things, you could find yourself sneakily being invited back to their place constantly to get what they want from you. It makes it appears they want to understand and get to know you, but really, they’re after sex consistently and may be ready to throw you away as soon as they’re bored.

Completely Cut-Off

Do you remember Mila Kunis’ character in Friends with Benefits telling the guy she was dating that she doesn’t put out until the 5th date? Then, when they finally had sex, he tried to skip out on her in the morning with no intention of calling or seeing her again even though she thought they were really connecting? Well, its because she gave him something to aim for; a time limit when he knew he would get something out of her and it can be the same with sex on the third date. Many people may expect sex on the third date and, if their wish is fulfilled, won’t bother with you after that point as they have gotten what they came for.

Third Date Tips for Men

I put ‘men’ in the title as it is normally more of a struggle for them to find the right time as they must be cautious of the woman. Most women need to feel emotionally connected
before having sex, so it can be hard for a guy to tell when the right time to pull-out the moves are. Any of these tips can be used by either gender, but it is more orientated towards men.

Don’t Expect it!

If you keep expecting to have sex on the third date, then you can become energised to push for sex at that time. This can make your date feel nervous, pressured and unsafe in your company which is the last thing you want to do if you want to have a relationship with this person. Keep calm, don’t expect anything to happen; this way you avoid disappointment and avoid pressuring your partner into having sex.

Treat it as a Normal Date

Don’t think of it as your third date if all you’re going to be wondering about is whether you’re going to get laid. Remember what attracted you to that person, what you have in common and remember to keep finding out more about your date. If you’re suited to one another and the mood is right, then it is likely to happen, but if you keep pushing, then you may cause more issues.

Be Thoughtful & Considerate

Try and imagine the situation from their shoes, how pushing for sex on the third date or not taking the hint that they’re not ready may make them feel. Do you really want to create negative vibes between you and your partner? Of course not! So, always try to think before you speak and become aware of any behaviors that may be making them uncomfortable.

Are You Ready?

Many people don’t ask guys this question as they believe they’ll take it where they can get it, but that’s not always the case. Don’t feel as though you need to force yourself into having sex on the third date if you’re not in that place.

Ultimately, it is always going to be difficult to find the perfect balance, but relationships are tricky and that’s what makes them so wonderful when they work. Put in the effort to understand your partner, their needs and wants before you start taking the intimate plunge. Remember, even if you’re ready it doesn’t mean the other person is.