New to Sexting? Here’s How to Start Doing It to Your Lover

asian woman lying in bed with phone


The golden rule of sexting is not to get too caught up in what you’re actually doing. If you and your partner enjoy a healthy physical partnership and are not averse to talking dirty to one another – either in the bedroom or when whispering mischievous sweet nothings in one another’s ears – then nothing about this should really be that mysterious. If you approach sexting with an open mind, and tongue in cheek for much of the time, then it could prove to be an activity that will really spice up your relationship. Just approach it with an open mind, maintaining a balancing act between injecting a sliver of humor into your prose, while being serious about connecting with your lover in a truly intimate way.


If you’re in a solid relationship with someone you instinctively trust, you shouldn’t have to worry about your sexts ending up in the hands of the wrong person. That’s the big mistake people have often made in the past where they’ve sent lurid messages to someone they don’t really know that well, and have been shocked to discover these have then been shared. So before you actually press that ‘send’ button for the first time, it’s only natural to have this moment of awareness. Ask yourself how well you really know the person at the other end. If you only met at the weekend, then perhaps it’s not such a great idea you’re getting so forward with them in such a short space of time. But if you’ve been enjoying a committed, loving time together, sexting can be fabulous.

Tailoring what you write

Sexts shouldn’t be random. They’re not about composing lurid messages just for the sake of it. There should be a correlation between what you are describing, and what you know your partner actually likes getting up to between the sheets. Which activities are most likely to get them hot under the collar? What is it you do to them that really gets them going? What do they always hint for you to get up to when you’re being intimate together? Focus on these and describe them in your message.

At this point it’s worth noting that when you’re sexting you’re not out to receive the Nobel Prize for Literature. It doesn’t really matter if your grammar goes a bit awry in the heat of the moment – as long as you make sense. Keep things short and sweet to begin with. Concentrate on using phrases your partner and you are familiar with, especially if you have pet names for the parts of the anatomy you are describing.

If you have performed a particular sex act and want to remind them with a sext, perhaps it would be a good idea to take a moment and confirm to yourself that it was with the person you’re about to contact, and not a fond memory that has suddenly been resurrected. Sexting about something intimate to an incorrect source can have understandably dire consequences!

Pacing your sexting

Sex itself has various paces. Sometimes there can be nothing like a sudden eruption of passion, when you’re all over one another for frantic moments that burn out quickly but enjoyably. In other instances affection is something that can be stoked over many hours, complete with background music and flickering candles. There is no right or wrong way. Similarly with sexting, you can fire off suggestive messages that will flicker onto your partner’s screen when they’re least expecting it. This can really spice things up when you send something really horny when you know they will be in the middle of some important business meeting (although a degree of discretion is required as you would never want to get them into trouble, and there’s always the risk they’ve left their phone on their office desk and the wrong person might catch a glimpse of something strictly for their eyes only.)

At other times you’ll want to compose a longer message, going into far more detail about some of the things you’d like to do to them the moment they get home. You can really let your imagination run riot when you take a bit more time over your sexting, injecting your prose with far naughtier and evocative language than you would when you’re in a hurry.


If you are new to sexting, remember that the message can be a potent weapon in your arsenal. So don’t be afraid to embrace the possibilities. Send off a particularly steamy string of these and your partner will be putty in your hands when you eventually see them.

Unlike normal foreplay, where you are obviously together the whole time, sexting is a way of preparing the way for what will happen when you actually do become physical. You can time them to perfection. Start off with fairly innocent sexts, strategically laced with innuendos. Gradually built up the tempo, making your double-entendres far less subtle, injecting your messages with ever hornier descriptions. Then when you know they’re on the last leg of their way home, take the brakes off and hit them with something really vivid that will get them really hot and bothered.


If you’re a novice, one aspect of sexting you might feel wary about is the inclusion of intimate photographs. And understandably so. When images of body parts end up in the wrong hands the consequences can be disastrous, with cases where blackmail has ensued. One way to get round this is to use a social media platform like Snapchat, where images only display momentarily before becoming inaccessible. This is intended to be a purely conversational rather than transactional platform, meaning it’s all about instant communication, with billions of messages being exchanged every day. If you are new to sexting but are drawn into the idea of sending naked pictures, you should definitely think of doing it this way rather than attaching images to an email, or via a Facebook message.


If you are uncomfortable about being direct in a message, it might be worthwhile considering the fantasy approach. Rather than fretting about descriptions of sex acts, let your imagination run freely. Invent all sorts of wild scenarios and keep your messages suggestive rather than literal. You might even tap into these flights of sexual fancy by indulging in a bit of role playing when you get together.

Build confidence

Once you’ve sent your first few sext messages you’ll find that your confidence will quickly start to grow. Like anything else in life, the more practice you have, the more accomplished you will become. You may well look back on your first attempts with a sense of embarrassment, but so what? Whatever you end up writing in your initial messages will be part of a learning process. As has previously been stated, this isn’t about creating fabulous works of prose. It’s more about subtle or not-so-subtle teasing, and in many respects the way the sext is composed in terms of spelling, grammar or shorthand is far less important than the message being conveyed.

To conclude, if you are new to sending sext messages it might seem a daunting subject, full of potential pitfalls. Just as emails can go astray, there are plenty horror stories about texts going to wrong recipients, such as bosses or parents. The key phrase to embrace prior to sexting is common sense.

Always double-check before you send. Ensure you implicitly trust the person you are communicating with. Once you’ve paved the way, there should be no obstacles to having a wonderful sext life. Have fun!