How to Tell if You or Your Partner Are Lazy in a Relationship?

man watching footbal with sad girlfriend

In a world full of social media, we’re presented with ‘perfect relationships’ and ‘couple goals’ at every turn, making us believe that our own relationships can’t be fixed or worked on. We’re constantly waiting for our knight in shining armor or a modelesque girl to breeze into our lives as we’ve been told that if something is broken you just need to throw it away and get a better version. Everyone is incredibly willing to throw their relationship away, become selfish and lazy as we’re told it is acceptable and that they’re just ‘not the right person for you,’ when we’re too infatuated with ourselves to work at our relationships. So, how can you tell if you have a lazy partner or if you’re getting lazy in your own relationship? We discuss common signs and ways to deal with getting lazy in a relationship.

How Do You Define a Lazy Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

When we discuss laziness in a relationship we’re talking about selfish, destructive or uncaring behavior instead of purely not wanting to move out of bed on a regular basis.

Typically, someone who has become lazy in a relationship will make a lot of promises but doesn’t have the gall to meaningfully change or follow-up on what they have said. The lazy person in the relationship becomes simply indifferent to your existence and doesn’t have a shred of care for you.

Perhaps, you’re wondering, why doesn’t the lazy partner not leave the relationship if they don’t care for their significant other? Simply, they’re lazy in every aspect of their relationship or they’re too comfortable that they don’t realize what they’re doing. Not everyone wants to leave their relationship but that doesn’t mean they can’t become lazy and stop caring enough to put in the effort.

Signs of a Lazy Partner

my boyfriend is lazy

Most of the time it can be self-evident whether your partner has stopped caring about you or your relationship. As you spend most of your time together you’re bound to notice changes in behavior, the tone of voice and language used around you as you understand your partner deeply, so many people are able to tell when their partner is becoming lazy even if they don’t know what to call it. However, there are some clear signs you can look out for which may indicate that your or yourself are becoming lazy in your relationship, such as:

Self-Centred Discussion

If you or your partner are regularly talking about themselves – their day at work, their interests, their aspirations, etc – then it could indicate that you or they are becoming lazy in the relationship. You should want to engage intellectually with your partner and find out what makes them tick whereas those who have become lazy in a relationship seem to enjoy the sound of their own voice more than anything you have to say.

Refusing to Compromise

Relationships are purely about compromise, you can’t get past it! You’re two individuals who have decided to spend a considerable amount of time together and share each other’s lives; that takes commitment, selflessness, and willpower to carry-out successfully. Considering how much time you spend together it would be idiotic to assume that you’ll agree on everything you want to do all the time, so compromise is essential. If your partner is stubbornly refusing to make concessions in the relationship, then they may be becoming lazier in your relationship.

All Mouth and No Trousers

The adage ‘actions speak louder than words,’ is essential to a relationship as it shows you that your partner is willing to make changes instantly and that they’re committed to you.

If they have promised to do something or try to change the way they behave in your relationship and then don’t act on it, it shows you that they don’t care about your relationship at all. Someone who is truly dedicated to making a relationship work will do everything in their power to ensure they’re acting appropriately.

Avoid Tough Talks

If your partner purposefully avoids or appears disinterested in difficult talks about your relationship, then it shows that they’re becoming disengaged with your partnership. It is hard to tell someone you care about that they’re hurting you in some way but somebody who cares for you will take it on the chin, say their piece and make changes if they’re necessary. A lazy partner will likely shut down or nod along like a child who has been told off as they’re not willing to dedicate themselves to improving the relationship.

How to Stop Being Lazy in Your Relationship

lazy spouse problems

There is no singular path to becoming engaged in your relationship again as it’ll differ from person to person. Furthermore, there may be times where the damage has been done and that there is no going back but that rarely happens unless you have been uncaring in your relationship for an extended time. Your partner cares for you and wants you to care for them, so making the effort to become less lazy will show them that you’re willing to change and make concessions for them.

Firstly, I would suggest trying to understand your own behavior; notice when you’re becoming bored, when you exclude your partner from certain things or when you’re making false promises. You’ll be able to spot your own lazy behavior and fix it with ease when you understand why you’re acting that way. Secondly, you need to discuss the issue with your partner as communication is key to any successful relationship especially as many lazy people will neglect that aspect of their partnership. Even if it is difficult you need to be honest and genuine with your partner without placing blame. Think about what you’re saying and understand that it is likely due to your own laziness and nothing they have done that you’re in this position. Lastly, you need to commit in a meaningful way; make changes and stick to them. If you’ve decided every Thursday you’re going to just sit and talk to one another, then make sure you do it. Learn discipline and dedicate yourself fully to your relationship instead of letting it flutter past you without so much as a backward glance.

Laziness in a relationship can genuinely hurt your partner as it can be a confusing time for them. Remember that you’re hurting someone you supposedly care about and that even if you’re not cheating, being abusive, etc that you’re still hurting that person. You need to take responsibility and work at the relationship and not just half-heartedly. If you’re someone who believes their partner is getting lazy, then try talking to them about their behavior. If they love and care for you, then they’ll want to change for you. If they don’t make those changes, sadly that means there is nothing you can do as it takes two people to make a relationship work and when someone is not willing to pull their weight, then the whole contraption falls apart.