Two Big Dating Approaches You Should Avoid

Dating experts share their experiences that they frequently have with their clients where they experience failure after failure when they approach dating. They say that after these experiences at failure, they aren’t excited to get back out there because they feel exhausted and less confident. Experts say that these people approach dating one of two ways and these approaches are why they are failing at dating.

The first approach: “It’s a Contest so You Should Choose Me.”

This mindset is enough to drive someone batty. It seems like women use this approach more frequently than men. When the expert dug a little deeper, she learned that the women were more likely to take on the failure of a date, not when they liked the guy, but when they didn’t like the men. Strange right?

Maybe not because when the media portrays a successful woman, she is depicted as a picture-perfect woman who is always perky and energetic.

When you’re in a situation where you are falling for that picture perfect story, you have to look a bit deeper and understand that dating isn’t about winning or losing. So, what do you do? You should change your mindset and a date is all about two people who are looking for some kind of attraction with someone that also has similar values and lifestyles. Perhaps before you start judging on yourself, go on the next date thinking about the way you two fit together. Is there a connection? Does this feel right to you? When you are able to do that, you can expect that things will change for the better in your dating experience.

The second approach: “Holding Out for Prince Charming.”

Growing up, you’ve no doubt been exposed to Disney tales of love at first sight and your Prince Charming coming to your rescue. Yeah, that’s a great dream to hold on to, but the truth is your Prince Charming is a lot less like the Disney prince than he is the average guy.

Let’s face it, there are so many of us that hate the whole dating experience because we feel like we are being constantly judged. On the other side of the card, you are also doing your fair share of judging too, as we go through our mental checklist of what we think about the person sitting across from us.

Did you know that one of the reasons why arranged marriages tend to work out much better is because they don’t have expectations of grandeur? Let’s take Marie for example. Marie lives in a city and makes a pretty good living as a CEO of a budding tech company. She works out regularly and has a strong group of friends that she can rely on. She seems like she has it all — except she is missing someone to share it all with. She tends to look at her friends who are married and turns her nose up because she believes they settled. She often picks apart her friend’s husbands by thinking to herself that he isn’t educated enough or that he isn’t a good provider.

When we took a closer look at the couples, Marie revealed that her friends were really happy and they didn’t feel like they settled at all. It all comes to what makes a successful relationship, and at the foundation of that relationship is a strong mutual attraction that is propped up by friendship and similar values. Oh, and it is also important that you be flexible with certain things too. Relationships are about to give and take, compromise, and working together.

When we stop judging, something in us shifts and we are able to see the best choice for us. When we let go of expectations and keep an open mind (much like how we want our partners to be with us), we are able to see our partners for who they are. With a bit of time, practice, and rituals that will help us build up our personal sense of comfort and even power, you will experience dating more like an adventure and something to look forward to.