What Can You Do if the Woman of Your Dreams is Already Taken?

couple and his friend

Falling for someone in a big way is one of the greatest joys of adult life. Every time you think about them you get butterflies, and when you actually meet up your heart melts. But what happens when you know full well they’re already in a relationship? You can’t just switch off your feelings, so what can you do?


This might sound harsh but the first thing you need to do is accept the reality. If she’s in a committed relationship there’s a simple reason for this. She’s happy to be with this person. If she wasn’t and was in any way interested in ditching her guy for you, then you would surely have received some hints that this was her train of thought. But if you’re quite aware your feelings towards her are strictly one-way, you’re on a hiding to nothing.

The worst thing you could do would be to begin pursuing her. How on earth would you do that, anyway? Drop her sly messages on social media in the hope her boyfriend doesn’t find out? Ask her out on a date – a meeting which she would have to undertake in secrecy? You’d be expecting her to be dishonest, hoping she’d be willing to throw away everything she currently has and making an enemy of someone she holds in very high regard at the moment.

It’s also no good trying to wangle your way into her affections in less obvious ways, such as randomly liking her Instagram photos or Facebook posts. Unless you happen to be in her trusted circle of friends she’ll question your motives. If there’s one type of person worse than a pest who has made it obvious he wants to drive a wedge through her relationship, it’s someone trying to do the same thing behind her back. You’re in danger of coming across as a stalker. The bottom line: you need to be the bigger man and exercise restraint.

Moving on

Stopping yourself from regularly dipping into her Facebook page is one thing. But she may well remain in your thoughts, ever-present as you contemplate life’s ‘if onlys.’ You really need to try your best to expunge her from your mind. The more you keep dwelling on unrequited love the more it will eat you up, leaving you cynical and dissatisfied. This female you can’t have will become the proverbial elephant in the room, clouding your judgment when it comes to future relationships, hampering your chances of settling down with someone else.

Your key to ‘washing this person out of your hair’ to paraphrase a line from a famous musical, is to focus on other areas of your life. Cut yourself off from social aspects that retain strong memories – that pub where you spent some time drooling over her new figure-hugging dress, or the club where you once danced together. Look to the future instead.

It’s always healthy to have goals in life, milestones that you can focus on when it comes to inspiring your actions. Jot down a list of short-term and longer-term goals to aim for. These could be related to anything at all, from work or your leisure time. The actual content is not the issue, it’s the fact you’re giving yourself clear targets. Once you’ve outlined these you have the motivation to achieve success in different areas, and the more successful you are the less likelihood there will be of lingering on those negative thoughts.

Share your issue

Being besotted with someone else’s woman is a solitary engagement and one that encourages introspection. Perhaps you turn down social invites because you’d rather be at home brooding about how unfair life can be. It may sound like one of the oldest cliches in the book, but a problem shared is a problem halved. If you have a close friend who you can take into your confidence, invite them round for a coffee or arrange to meet in a quiet pub. Then let them in on your inner turmoil. Talking about whatever is grinding you down is a tried and tested way of unburdening the pain, so once you have a sympathetic ear, you’ll have someone you can turn to whenever your negative feelings are getting you down. If your friend is on a reliable wavelength they’ll offer you some worthy advice. Whether that’s suggesting you try to chat up the hot waitress who just served your drinks, or something more constructive, it’s just good to get problems aired.

Find new love

One way of guaranteeing you forget about your unattainable woman is to find one who is attainable. What better way to free yourself from being mired in unhealthy pining than getting involved with someone who’ll not only get your pulse racing but can do so completely out in the open, with no need for ridiculous thoughts about sneaking around or planning affairs? If your confidence has taken a dent after the months of hankering after Ms. Wrong, you don’t have to launch yourself straight into those wild singleton nightclubs every weekend in pursuit of Ms. Right. You can forge really meaningful relationships from the comfort and security of your own home via internet dating sites.

There is any number of reputable web services that will instantly put you in touch with like-minded individuals. Better still, these websites use algorithms that ensure you get matched up with other singles based on certain standards of compatibility. So instead of lusting after someone you don’t necessarily know that much about, you can arrange dates with partners you have steadily built up a rapport with.

As a post-script, it should be mentioned some men have managed to strike it lucky with girls already taken. But this requires extreme tact. You must always exhibit caution, giving the impression of being a reliable shoulder to cry on in the event of her relationship floundering. Never try to force this outcome. It can only occur naturally.