How to Date a Chinese Woman… Very Carefully!

The Western concept of serial dating does not exist in China. What Americans and other Westerners find normal, the repeated dinners and drinks followed by sex, are not even contemplated in China. If you go out on anything resembling a date you are possibly heading towards an expected marriage. It’s important to know what her expectations are versus yours!

The Negative Hype

There are many stereotypes that claim Asian women are essentially weak-willed and easily manipulated into performing sexual favors for attention and pampering by foreign men. It’s an insulting and inaccurate portrait of the women of China. Do not take any advice from people who promote that kind of view, for it will surely lead to trouble in your love life.

As we said, casual dating is basically nonexistent except in Shanghai and Beijing. Bear that in mind when you do manage to score a date. You might be scoring a chance to meet your future wife. The second and third dates become more and more symbolically important when you think of them as auditions for marriage.

Words Speak Volumes

If you have indeed gone on dates with a Chinese girl and she expresses affection, you are in very deep. If she uses the phrases “really likes” (wǒ hěn xǐhuan nǐ), “loves” (wǒ ài nǐ), or “misses” you (wǒ xiǎng nǐ), it is crucial to realize that these words have an intense meaning compared to the West. These verbal displays of affection, as well as physical ones, signal that she has selected you as her future mate.

Meeting the Parents… Don’t Do It!

If you have fallen into the trap of dating a Chinese girl without knowing you were heading to the altar you can still escape when she invites you to meet her parents. Chinese courtships are not shared with family members until the young woman feels certain an engagement is soon to follow. If she feels like you are solid she will want to show you off and get parental approval. Don’t meet her family if you don’t want to marry her.

Like a Virgin

Unlike Western culture, the Chinese still place great emphasis on virginity. This dampens the possibility of casual sex with Chinese women. When surveyed 60% of young people believed that virginity was important for marriage. Most women date and marry only one man. This is not a woman you can get something out of for nothing. To quote Beyoncé, if you like then you should put a ring on it.

On the Other Hand

There are some groups of women in China who are open to casual sex. Women who have previously dated foreigners, bored housewives, and women formerly involved in sex work or club hostesses are often less strictly tied to the prevailing moral code of China. If you pursue these women treat them with respect and honesty and tell them of your intentions beforehand. Despite the limitations, you may find lasting love or a pleasant brief interlude depending on the woman and your integrity.