Online Dating: First Message Demystified


So you’ve decided that you’re ready to give online dating a try and you’re at that point where you’re familiar with the platform, and you want to send a message to some people. You may have even tried messaging some before reading this article, and they never responded to you. That could be because, with online dating, first messages play an important role in the game.

What you say in your first message is going to make someone want to respond, or block you. Naturally, you’re going for the former rather than the latter. We are going to tell you how to be the king of online dating, first message God, and a guy women want to hear from.


1. One-Line Openers

If you even think about sending a one-line first message, or even a one-word first message, then you are basically telling women that you didn’t read her profile, you aren’t interested in getting to know her, and you are putting absolutely no effort into it. If you genuinely are interested in getting to know someone, you’ve got to show them! Mention something that interests you about their profile or even something that you may have in common with one another. This will go much further than a lame one-liner, no matter how suave you think you are.

2. Pet-Names

You don’t know this person, so don’t think it is okay to call them some sort of cutesy pet name in your first message. This includes nicknames like “Baby,” “babe,” “sexy,” and “cutie.” These type of nicknames are fine when you know the person, but since this is the first message, you don’t, and it can be seen as a creepy move.


3. Asking to Hook Up

Even if you’re on an online dating site where the sole intent is hooking up, you never want to send the first message asking for some booty! You definitely don’t want to ask for sex with women who clearly state on their profile that they aren’t looking for anything casual. The first rule of online dating: the first message is not the place for propositioning for sex.

4. Talking about Physical Appearance

Complimenting someone because you find them attractive in your first message is fine. However, that should only be one of the things you mention in your first message. By focusing too much on their appearance, then it’s a clear sign that you’re only interested in their body and not their mind. This, as you may well know, is a huge turnoff for women and if you’re trying to score a first date, good luck with that approach.


5. Steady Stream of Messages

After you send that first message, don’t feel like you have to spam their inbox every five minutes until they respond to you. The person you are messaging has a life too, and they probably aren’t waiting around to be hit on by some random dude who floods her inbox. That’s just rude! Instead, after sending that first message, go out for a drink. Go out for a walk. Do something else to keep you occupied, so you aren’t obsessing until the person responds.