What to Do After a Breakup?

sad single man in the restaurant

What to do after a breakup, that is the question. The answer, invariably, lies in looking after yourself and creating a life you love. If the person you dated wasn’t right for you, you’ll soon find that your new life is a lot more fun than it ever was dating them. That doesn’t mean you’ll never miss them, or you’ll never get frustrated as you want someone to share a moment with, someone who’s a partner, not just a friend, but it does mean that you’ll end up attracting someone who suits you better next time. Below you find some tips and tools for dealing with a breakup.

Let’s have a look at the one question many people ask about breakups first “what are the stages of grief after a breakup?” The stages actually vary from person to person. Usually they include sadness (you’ve lost a person you cared for – even if there were bad parts to the relationship, chances are you’ll still miss the good parts), anger (either towards your ex, yourself, or both), regret (you could have acted differently to save the relationship, or you regret ever getting into the relationship in the first place) and possibly a sense of relief (you’re now free to create something new; something that fits the person you are today).

In other words, going through relationship grief will involve a bit of a hailstorm of emotions hitting you right left and center. Don’t dodge the emotions. Get curious. Ask yourself questions. But by the end of the day, realize that your life is here and now and here and now is an excellent opportunity to create something even greater than you’ve ever experienced before.

That leads us to the next point regarding what to do after breakup madness: distractions. Maybe “distractions” is the wrong term, as you shouldn’t avoid your emotions, but it’s important that you find things to do that you love and that moves your life along. You do not want to get caught in a cloud of self-pity, or a habit of holding onto memories, or analyzing your relationship from here to eternity. This is your time now. Your time to create a life you love. Fill it with healthy work-outs and foods, work on your career and spend time with friends. Try out the hobbies you always wanted to try out. And go away. So if it’s a road trip for the weekend – get a change of scenery where memories are less likely to haunt you.

People asking about breakups often also ask “what is the no contact rule after breakup?” It simply means that for some time (how long is up to you), you do not speak to your ex. You need time to heal. You need time to create a new life you love without them. If you constantly speak to them, it’s harder to let go.

This moves us onto the next question: “what to say to your boyfriend after a breakup?” or “what to say to your girlfriend after a breakup?” Actually, they’re now your ex-boyfriend, or girlfriend and for a while that will feel funny. You used to share everything with them and now you’re possibly not even in their life anymore. It can feel strange. Don’t try and fight the strangeness by putting on an attitude, rather, when you see them, take a moment to acknowledge the emotions. It’s the easiest way to let the pain and the awkwardness go. Then speak. You’ll find it a lot easier.

What you want to avoid is running over to your ex and screaming or crying – if you’re hit by strong emotions, process them and let them go before you talk to your ex. You can share what you feel, but do so when you’re in a good space. Being vulnerable means sharing from the heart; allowing them to see how you feel. If you throw the emotions in their face on the other hand, they’ll just react defensively.

The last question to tackle “how to be happy after a breakup?” Here, refer back to what’s been discussed earlier: focusing on creating a happy and healthy you, living a life you love. See the breakup as a fresh start; a chance of creating an even better life. You don’t have to be unhappy with your life to make it better. Challenge yourself to step beyond what’s been holding you back in the past.

It’s important to remember that love never disappears from your life – it just takes on different forms at different times. Life is filled with breakups and goodbyes, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. Life can be very cruel, but it’s also filled with beauty and magic. Don’t destroy your entire life because you experienced something sad, rather be grateful for the things and people you love and set out to create more of that. The best way in life to avoid hurt is to fill it with love – it won’t mean you won’t lose people you love, but it does mean your cup of love will never be empty.