Psychologists Reveal 6 Reasons Why We Flirt


Some people were born with the natural ability to flirt. They simply cannot help themselves. Whether they are waiting in line to get a coffee or they are just signing for a package with the delivery man, they find it as an opportunity to flirt. It isn’t because they flirt because they want something… Or… Is it?

Some people flirt because they have a motive for gain. According to David Dryden Henningsen from Northern Illinois University, there are six different kinds of motivation for someone to flirt.

1. Sex – using flirtation to get someone to sleep with you.

2. Fun – using flirtation as a sport.

3. Exploring – using flirtation as a way to gain practice for a relationship.

4. Relational – using flirtation to increase intimacy.

5. Esteem – using flirtation to enhance your self-worth.

6. Instrumental – using flirtation to get what you want.

If people genuinely are interested in another, they tend to be more of a charmer which is different than a flirt. When you have charm, you’re intent on making the person feel important to you. However, when you flirt, you are using your attractiveness to manipulate someone — sometimes in innocuous ways while other ways can be kind of creepy.

Both flirts and charmers have warmth in their voice and make eye contact with their “target,” but flirts usually always have some kind of agenda, be it from getting out of a parking ticket to getting an extension pm that deadline at work.

Flirting has an odd way of hurting people because we tend to take the flirter’s actions and words seriously, as we are oblivious to their true intentions.

For example, let’s say a flirt is flirting with you only to see if you will get a response. They have no intention of following through if and when you do respond. So there you are with the belief that the flirts intentions are honest and you start thinking that there could be a relationship between you two.

Sadly, you’re only going to be let down once the flirt has achieved their goal of seducing you.

Some flirts have the tendency to be womanizers, man-eaters, and narcissists who enjoy chasing an unsuspecting person, then dumping them once they’ve got them. It can be cruel because you never know the intentions of the person flirting with you — are they genuine or playing some kind of cruel head game?

We aren’t going to pretend that flirting isn’t fun, because it truly can be. It can be fun and harmless, but it can also be cruel and devious. There are people who have no qualms about doing whatever they wish to whomever they’d like, simply because they want this or that. These people tend to blur the lines of flirting and being a charmer.

However, by staying aware of the different motivations people have for flirting, it’s a good way to protect your heart from being used. If someone seems too good to be true or they have a knack for saying just the right thing, then maybe they are just that — too good to be true.