When Should I Say “I Love You” to My Girlfriend?

When you’re all caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, it can be all too tempting to make emphatic declarations of love even when you haven’t got to know the other person very well. It’s very important to get the timing right when it comes to saying ‘I love you’ for the first time, so read on to find out when to pick the right moment and avoid saying something you’ll quickly come to regret. In this article, we’ll talk about how to time your declaration of love and how to make sure you definitely mean it before you go ahead.

Fear of rejection

Many people don’t feel ready to declare their love for someone until the other person has said it first. This is often because they fear rejection or just don’t feel the time is right. If you say ‘I love you’ too early, you may cause your new partner to feel awkward, and the warmth between you could disappear.

How long do people normally wait? When shouldn’t I say ‘I love you’?

Not everyone agrees on when the best time to say ‘I love you’ is, but many people do agree that you should wait for a couple of months and after around five or six dates. You shouldn’t say it during or even before or after sex, as the other person may think the declaration has simply been influenced by lust, and you shouldn’t say it when your mental health isn’t in the greatest state. You should also avoid declaring your love for the first time when you are drunk, as your partner may suspect you’ll feel differently when the alcohol has worn off.

How confident are you?

However, try not to wait too long as the right moment may pass. If you feel there is a big chance your partner will not say it back, it may be best to postpone your declaration. Only say ‘I love you’ if you are completely confident that you genuinely feel this way. Don’t say it in order to entice someone into doing something and say it in person rather than in a text or email. If you do declare your love but this is not reciprocated, this does not mean the relationship is dead in the water – it may simply mean the other person wishes to wait until the trust has grown and the partnership has strengthened.

Who says ‘I love you’ first?

It’s said that men are more likely to say ‘I love you’ before women. Males are also more likely to feel happy about receiving a declaration of love for the first time. Studies suggest that men take just under three months to tell their partners they love them, whereas women can take slightly over four months. People of a shy disposition are more likely to wait to declare their affection than those with a more extroverted nature.

Don’t pretend to love someone

If someone tells you that they love you but you are not ready to repeat the phrase back to them, avoid saying ‘I love you’ just to keep them happy. You could instead tell them that you like them and wish to get to know them better before you make such a declaration. Love does not grow at the same pace for everyone, and it can take some people much longer than others to develop serious deep romantic feelings for someone.

The time and place – when is the right time to say I love you?

Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time is generally much more nerve-wracking than saying it at any other time. Choosing the right scenario and environment can also be tough – should you say it at the end of a great night, when you are watching a movie together or during dinner? Romance experts suggest there is no ideal time or place to declare your love for someone, suggesting that you should simply wait until the moment feels completely right. There’s a big chance the phrase will exit your mouth when you haven’t scheduled it, just because you are so caught up in the moment and experience a sudden wave of affection for your partner.

Courage and vulnerability: should I say I love you?

When you do say ‘I love you’ for the first time, you will need a great deal of courage – unless you are under the influence of alcohol of course, which is never a good idea. Plans to declare your love can leave you feeling incredibly vulnerable, but the emotional results can be fantastic when the person tells you they feel the same way.

A different environment

Some people choose to say ‘I love you’ during special occasions away from home. A holiday may be the ideal time and place to make things special. It’s important to remember that the other person may be eager to make the declaration and could be waiting for you to say it first because they may be frightened about the consequences. It’s a good idea to wait until you really do feel like you couldn’t imagine your life without the other person rather than to simply blurt it out when caught up in the excitement of the first few dates. Ask yourself repeatedly: do I mean what I am saying before you proceed. If you do find yourself questioning whether you really mean it, it may well be best to delay your plans for a while. You may not feel completely in love at this point, but your affections may have grown to a sufficient level after a few more dates.

When the honeymoon period is over

It’s even wise to wait until you have had your first argument and the honeymoon period is over before you tell someone that you love them. If you have survived your first bout of friction and still feel the same about the other person, they are more likely to believe you, and your declaration is more likely to be genuine. Once you know your relationship can survive a few arguments, the bigger the chances of it lasting become.

Do you want the same things?

Make sure the other person is on the same page as you. If you are falling in love with someone but they have made it clear they are only interested in the physical side of a relationship, it may be best to keep your feelings to yourself for the time being. Things may change later, and they may start to feel genuine affection for you, but if you are in a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, it’s best to prepare yourself for rejection if you are determined to go ahead and make your feelings known.

Saying I love you for the first time – do it in person

There are many good reasons for saying ‘I love you’ for the first time in person rather than over the phone or through email or a messaging service. This should be an incredibly special moment, so it’s important to do it whilst they are physically stood in front of or sat next to you. If things go right, you’ll want to be able to cherish the memory for years to come. Make the moment as magical as possible by doing it in person.

Share a private moment

Don’t risk embarrassing the other person by letting them know you love them in a public place. Even if the other person feels the same way, they may feel incredibly awkward if you do it in front of a crowd. This moment is meant to be a deeply personal experience shared by just the two of you. Don’t say ‘I love you’ for the first time during an argument, as this could be deemed manipulative. Once you have said those magical three words, make sure you see them again in future if they do feel the same way. Just don’t overdo it or the phrase could start to lose its meaning. Although you shouldn’t wait too long, the longer you leave saying ‘I love you’, the more your declaration of love is likely to be believed. Remember, if you say it too soon, it could scare them off. Are you wondering ‘how soon is too soon to say I love you’? Premature declarations of love during the first week or two can be seen as immature and are most often made by younger people inexperienced in the etiquette of romance.

Final thoughts

There is no perfect time to tell someone that you love them, but most experts agree this isn’t something that you should rush into it. You should certainly wait until you’re completely sure that you mean it, and you shouldn’t do it in a public place where the other person could feel embarrassed. However, if you are confident the other person feels the same way, is on the same page as you and you have spent a considerable period of time getting to know them and have already had your first argument, why not cook them something special or whisk them to a magical location and let them know how you feel?

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